April Fools, 1989 (not mine)

This isn’t mine. but one of the first classic usenet april fools hacks was a posting from Russia (with love). So it’s not surprising that when the USSR collapsed, we’d hear about it on the net…

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From apple!vsi1!ubvax!kremvax!gorby Sun Apr 2 22:28:29 PDT 1989
Status: R

Article 3007 of news.misc:
Path: apple!vsi1!ubvax!kremvax!gorby
>From: gorby@kremvax.mosc.cccp (Mikhail Gorbachev)
Newsgroups: news.misc,talk.politics.misc,talk.politics.soviet
Subject: Beyond Perestroika
Message-ID: <3982@kremvax.mosc.cccp>
Date: 1 Apr 89 01:18:05 GMT
Reply-To: gorby@kremvax.mosc.cccp (Mikhail Gorbachev)
Organization: Soyuz Sovietskaya Socialistika Respublik
Lines: 51
Xref: apple news.misc:3007 talk.politics.misc:37179 talk.politics.soviet:1475

This is a difficult message for me to send to the peoples of the
world, but recent events in the Soviet People’s Republics and elsewhere
have made it something that can no longer be avoided.

For some time it has been apparent that Socialism is a dismal
failure. I am convinced that the fundamental internal contradiction of
Socialism lies in Marx’s famous dictum “From each according to his
abilities, to each according to his need.” So simple. So humane
sounding.

And so fundamentally evil.

Let me explain.

What this dictum accomplishes is to turn all standards of human
worth and dignity upside down. Ability, competence, diligence, skill,
intelligence: All of these are made into liabilities for their
possessor. After all, greater skill does not increase one’s need for
food or housing, does it? Of course not. But since the standard is
“From each according to his ability”, more is demanded of such a
person. More productivity, more work — but no incentive, no
compensation for it.

Worse, the other side of this tarnished coin, “To each according to
his need” makes need — real or feigned — into an asset. The
combination of the two has proved deadly. Such a system penalizes
skill and intelligence, and rewards fecklessness and incompetence.

And we have thus, in the 72 years since The Revolution, reaped the
bitter weed that must inevitably spring from the bad seed of Marx’s
flawed thought. What was supposed to be a classless society is instead
a system of class privilege even more exploitive of the working people
than the regime of the Czars.

Accordingly, in the wake of The People’s Counterrevolution of this
past week, I have taken the following steps:

The Soviet State shall divest itself of all properties held by
collective farms. The land will be sold at auction to the residents.
Members of the Communist Party will not be eligible to bid.

The Soviet State shall divest itself of all factories and other
means of production. These shall also be sold at auction, and again,
Party members are not eligible to participate.

All forces of the Soviet Union will be withdrawn from areas outside
of Russia. The Warsaw Pact countries are encouraged to follow our
example, but whether they do or not is entirely their own decision.

Secretary General of the Soviet Union
Mikhail Gorbachev

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